So we’ve probably all heard the ‘first time mom, I didn’t know’ excuse. Shoot, we’ve probably all said it ourselves at some point or another, me included.I’ve heard mothers say, “It was my first and I really didn’t know any better” referring to anything from pregnancy to childhood.
Mostly, I’ve heard it regarding the actual labor and birthing itself. Women regretting epidurals, blindly trusting a stranger for their every comfort and need, not being given a real opportunity to bond with their newborns, and so on.
Regretting the entire experience.
That has to be a tough realization for some. Holding regret around what should be one of the most beautiful, uplifting, invigorating, amazing experiences of your life.
How do you get past that?
My advice is to stop making excuses, for one. Take ownership for your actions, or lack of. If you have regrets around your labor or delivery, you must see your part in it all. It was your body, your baby, your choice how things could have gone instead.
The whole ‘first time mom’ excuse has no place here.
Now, I don’t say all this to put the blame solely on you, it’s not about blame. And if you’ve been blaming yourself since the birth, stop, let it go. To move on, learn from your experience.
If you plan on having more babies, take with you your experiences and make things better next time. If you feel you weren’t educated before, it’s up to you (because doctors and nurses can’t prepare you for everything, nor know everything themselves) to read, attend a class, watch videos, and educate yourself more before the birth this time (or even a refresher is nice!)
For you mothers-to-be and future moms, I was a first time mom when I made the choice to have a home birth, which turned into a home water birth, which then turned into an unassisted home water birth.
I was a first time mom when I decided the ‘all natural’ route was what was best for my baby and me, and just how nature had intended it.
I was a first time mom when I researched about Shepard’s Purse to ease bleeding and the Yoga Position to turn a breeched baby.
I was a first time mom who did hours and hours of research. My point is, if I can do it, I know you can too.
So here’s to the births we want and our children deserve!